You're Doing Great!: And Other Reasons to Stay Alive by Tom Papa

Author:Tom Papa
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group
Published: 2020-05-11T23:00:00+00:00

IT’S DATE NIGHT

I know it sounds corny and it is. I know it sounds like the most unspontaneous thing you could do. And you’re not wrong. But it’s date night and if you’re in a relationship, you really have to do it.

If you don’t plan a date, it won’t happen, and it has to happen because without it you will never see each other. Sure, you’ll see your spouse in the kitchen as they stumble around or run into them when you’re brushing your teeth. You’ll see them when they’re struggling to put on their socks or running down the hallway in search of a new roll of toilet paper, but that’s not really seeing the person you fell in love with.

And without date night you won’t really talk either. Most of your conversations when you are married are about logistics. Who’s picking up the kids? What do you have today? Did you drop off the dry cleaning? Not exactly romantic phrases. I’m sure there has never been a romantic novel that ever began with the phrase “The toilet’s leaking again.”

This is why you need date night.

When you go on a date, you return back to the time when you were in pursuit of each other. When you were working hard to get them to like you. That’s what dating is all about. The problem with marriage is that we already have them and think that because we sealed the deal years ago we no longer have to work at making this person like us. But the truth is, you have to try harder than ever before.

It’s much easier to make someone like you when they don’t know anything about you. The beginning of a relationship is like a magic trick: a series of distractions and illusions meant to dazzle the audience while not allowing them to focus on the ugly parts of you.

But when you’re married they know every single thing that’s wrong with you. They’ve seen all your tricks. They know the real you—what you lie about, what bad habits you have, how you really act when you’re under pressure. They know everything. So now more than ever you should buy her a nice gift, get dressed up, and take her somewhere special.

I know it sounds lame. I resisted at first because I considered just the need for date night to be an indication that something must be wrong. That if we were really in love, we wouldn’t have to plan for a time to be nice to each other. We should still be as spontaneous as when we first met. Sure, and I still fit in the jeans I wore in high school, I can still drink without getting hung over, and I have enough free time to play video games all day and night.

Life changes, and the truth is that if you care about certain aspects of your life, they need a little more focus.

I’m not saying date night is easy. You don’t just show up at dinner and instantly turn into that carefree couple you once were.

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